What Do You See?

I often have conversations with people about different things happening in their lives whether it be work, personal or family related. It’s always interesting to see how different people’s perspectives can be on each subject. I think a lot of the time our perspectives are dictated by what we feel about the subject at the time. Sometimes we can have an overall positive perspective or a really negative one and honestly I think it depends on where we are is in our journey in life.

For example, when I was a single parent there were times where I was extremely overwhelmed. In those moments I had the tendency to look at my situation as hopeless or impossible. For me, one of the hardest parts about being a single parent were the amount of day to day decisions that rested solely with me. Sometimes I didn’t want to have to figure out how to get the kids from point A to point B or what I should do about certain issues they were struggling with. I also didn’t want to have to worry about childcare all of the time! I wanted the freedom to make plans with friends and have another parent available that I could trust to leave the kids with. But that just was not the cards I was dealt initially. Because I felt alone and frustated I would often see my situation as unfair. In some ways it might have been but it’s also about how I looked at the situation overall.

Another example of what we see or how we  perceive things might be in the work place. I have worked several jobs before where there were times where things were overwhelming or hard to push through. We spend more of our time at work during the week than we do with our family. If you do not enjoy your career or if you are going through a hard phase at work it can be very discouraging.  We want to enjoy what we do and it is very hard to go to a place day in and day out when you don’t like the environment or don’t want to be there. Have you ever had a moment where you’re just really irritated and you vent to someone who then comes back with “Well at least you have a job”? Sometimes in these moments I think people say these types of things to get us to look at the overall picture and to change how we see things in that moment. At times, it may work and help us take a step back to look at things with new lenses or it could make us more irritated because in that moment that’s not the point. We’re grateful for the job but we want to stay in that space of irritation so that someone can validate us.

Lastly, something our perspective can be skewed on is life in general. There are a lot of people that I know who have not had the best hand dealt to them in life. When I look at my life and the circumstances that I have been through I used to think about how unfair it was or how painful it was-and still is for some parts of my life at times. I’ve been divorced, a single parent, my mom died when I was 9 months pregnant with my first child (who was diagnosed with Aspergers-a high functioning form of autism at age 8), my dad died 4 years later when my second child was only 6 months, my mother in law at the time had just passed 6 months before my dad, each and every time I have had a child my spouse has been deployed and I have had to spend the first part of the child’s life handling things on my own (sleep deprivation is the worst!), not to mention I have birthed two of my children without their father present, and in one of the births I lost a lot of blood. I had to be readmitted to the hospital after being discharged a few days later for a total of 5 days. I had to spend time away from my new baby during that time because I had a uterus infection and preeclampsia. Whew! That’s a lot and that does not include the boughts of depression I experienced and overcame with God’s help.

If I take a look at all of these different experiences through the negative lense it’s easy to feel discouraged, frustated, let down, hurt, depressed. If I consistenly stayed in the thought process of how things didn’t go my way and I had to spend years of being a single parent, sacrifcing a lot of personal time (which still happens as a parent whether you have help or not) and shedding a lot of tears, I’d miss out on all of the good that came from that time frame in my life. I wouldn’t have been able to see and appreciate how God kept me. My bills were paid, my kids had all of their needs and wants met, God brought people into my life that helped encourage me, people who supported me, people who helped me with my kids and cared for my kids as if they were their own (I had an amazing support system with friends and church). If I choose to focus on the loneliness I felt for a large portion of that time I wouldn’t have been able to learn about God’s love and allow Him to fill that void in my life.

From the work perspective if I solely focused on the jobs I had where I felt like I couldn’t take another day, I’d miss out on the lessons God was trying to teach me in that business and how He was using me to bless and encourage others. I once worked at a storage business where people came in to store their personal household goods or even their cars. Towards the end of my time there I often felt like I was on the brink of losing my mind. The work environment was intense. It felt like if you were not constantly on your p’s and q’s you were minutes away from being fired (and people were getting fired!). I did not want to go and sometimes cried before going! But while I was there I didn’t allow myself to focus on the fact that I was miserable. I focused on doing the best job that I could. I put my attention towards making sure I was helping the business to run as effectively as possible. I provided excellent customer service and because we dealt with people often not being able to pay their storage bill for whatever reason, God used me to help bless people by negotiating with them to work out payment plans. I can’t tell you how good it felt when you have someone on the phone who went through a terrible divorce, didn’t have a job or a place to live and those personal belongings were all they had, to be able to work with them to ensure they didn’t lose everything! But if I was a disgruntled worker I would have missed out on countless moments to be present and allow God to use me to be a blessing.

In my life the things that I have been through, especially losing my parents, have been some major hurdles. I could let the loss of my parents at a young age be used as an excuse or a crutch to make poor decsions. I could have allowed the divorce I went through to make me and keep me bitter (because I was bitter at some point. Going through a divorce feels like processing a death of a loved one. It’s brutal!) but I instead focused my attention on being a better person, a better parent, and someone that my parents would be proud of should they have been around to see me go through these different stages in life. It really is about what we are seeing and how we let the experiences we go through in life determine how we handle things moving forward. Something that has stuck with me that my husband has said to me (when he is wise I have to roll my eyes because it’s true but I want to be all in my feelings LOL) was “So what your tire is flat, that’s going to happen. Don’t get so upset that it ruins your mood. A flat tire can be fixed easily. Just be grateful it wasn’t something much worse”. It’s a great reminder to not sweat the small things. Sometimes when I find myself in moments where I want to look at the things that aren’t working out in my favor God brings that memory to mind and I am able to regroup.

In the end we have to choose how we see things. We get to choose whether we are going to spend our time (which is already limited because we have so many things to do between work, family, etc.) focusing on the one thing that didn’t go right or the several situations in life that knocked us down or didn’t go our way. We get to choose whether we take a moment and see the beauty in the situation or to constantly let our mind and feelings determine that it’s all bad and no one understands. One of the most powerful and exciting reminders I got while reading my Bible the other day was 1 Peter 5: 8-9 which says “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for somene to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are.” The last part of this scripiture screamed out to me “You’re not the only one going through tough times!” It was a reminder that I am surrounded by people daily who are going through things I know nothing about and some of them choose every day to put a smile on their face and look at the beauty in life even though they’re dealing with cancer. Some of them lost a spouse and choose to show up smiling and honoring their spouse by celebrating the time that they did have together to love each other.

What do you see when you look at life? What do you see when you are going through tough times or when you’re surrounded by people who are dealing with difficult situations? Are you the person that always have something negative to say and can’t ever see the good or are you the person that chooses to speak life? If you find yourself always sad, angry, depressed or frustated I challenge you to look at things from a different perspective. Literally start to ask yourself “What do I see?” and if you start off with negative things start challenging yourself to see something else. Even if it’s one good thing….that’s what you need to focus on. It really can and will change your life for the better and not only that it will start to affect those around you in a positive way. It’s all about perspective. Start looking at situations as  learning experiences because that’s what life is. We are all on the journey of living and learning.

 

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