your hair color, your mind, your style or anything about yourself and life that you don’t like . Most importantly it’s ok to grow into a different but better version of yourself. For the most part, I am a pretty passive person. For me that word passive pretty much equals people pleasing in the since where I always want those around me to be happy (Although, I have learned that I’m only responsible for my happiness and my happiness alone). I try to be accepting of people’s flaws and I try to be very understanding of whatever it is that they are dealing with. I’m a pretty empathetic person. When those connected to me are going through difficult things I tend to feel their pain, literally it seems. I feel as if I am suffering right along with them although their situation is not my problem.
Because of this personality flaw and strength, (I consider it to be a little bit of both) I tend to take on a lot. I overlook a lot. Ignore certain things. I even rationalize certain behaviors that most would deem unacceptable or give the benefit of the doubt when it’s clear as day what is going on. I know that it’s because I don’t want to rock the boat. I know it’s because I don’t want to make people uncomfortable and I don’t want to argue about something that is not as important to me as it may be to other people. Not that I shy away from confrontation. When something bothers me enough or I feel like it needs to be addressed I have no problem talking about it. But something about me that I know needs to change is my worry of hurting people or upsetting people and doing it at the expense of my own feelings and well being.
Over the years as I’ve grown and learned more about myself I could see and feel the changes in me. Those changes would scare me! Not because they were bad, they were good changes. I didn’t always handle them well or communicate them as effectively as I should have but the changes were necessary to my personal growth. I was afraid that making the changes internally that I needed to make would make people not like me or be angry with me. I was afraid that I would lose connections with friends or friends would not be able to relate to me. While to others it seems like a silly fear, to me it was a real one. I wanted to be better but not at the expense of losing people. Let that sink in for a moment. Too many of us want to make changes in our lives. Too many of us want to be better moms, wives, sisters, friends, etc. but fear losing relationships so at the expense of who we are and who we want to be we’ll delay or stunt our own personal growth. We will hinder or sacrifice our personal well being for fear of being judged or walked away from. But no matter who you are or what you do someone will be upset. So it’s an irrational fear and not worth hindering the changes needed for your own personal growth.
The saying that those who really love you will love you no matter what happens or who you are is not only true but important to people who struggle with this. Relationships can be complicated but they don’t always have to be if at the core of those relationships is love and acceptance. Unconditional love is not loving someone as along as they fall in line with our exact beliefs or what we want. Unconditional love is loving someone in spite of the the fact that we don’t always agree and the other person isn’t always who we want them to be. So don’t be afraid to change. Don’t be afraid to be better. Don’t be afraid to look at yourself and go “I don’t like this about me and I need to work on that.” If it means stepping away from somethings or some people that’s ok. It doesn’t mean it’s the end. It’s actually a new beginning. I have the most amount of respect and admiration for people who know who they are and stand true to that at the risk of people not liking them. It’s ok for people to not like you as long as you LOVE yourself. It doesn’t make you perfect or better than anyone else but it makes you better than the person you were yesterday.
So fight for the changes you need to make and don’t let the fear of losing anything or anyone take away from that. It’s not worth it. But growing into who God has destined you to be will be worth it in more ways than you’ll ever know because you’ll change into a person that you’ll love even if the people you’re afraid of losing don’t……