You Can do it All…..

But why do you want to?! For some reason I have mulled over posting this for almost a week. I’ve gone back and forth. I’ve prayed. I’ve asked God is this what He wants me to say. It’s not that it’s something awful but I do think it’s something we as women need to learn to be better at.

We live in a time of women empowerment. Women can do anything, should do anything they want, can do what they want, should be encouraged to be assertive, career focused, goal oriented, while demanding equal treatment and pay as our male counterparts. Nothing wrong with any of that. A lot of women paved the way and fought hard for us to have the liberties that we as women have today. While we are still fighting a lot of harassment and discrimination in many areas, many will agree we aren’t where we used to be.

But I want to talk about how, at times, we don’t make room for or allow our significant others to play the roles they can and should play in our lives. Such as helping around the house or taking care of the kids. In my first marriage I was a control freak! Oh my goodness. I wanted almost everything my way all of the time. IF I left him with the kids I always left specific instructions as to what they ate, what they wore- exactly. Like I literally would be like “Look in the third drawer to the far left and grab the pink shorts third down in the stack.” Who does that?! I couldn’t make this up people even if I had a deep desire to.

When I complained that I needed help around the house and he finally did something to help I complained about how he would do it and I’d often go behind him and redo it. (Insert bug eye emoji here). It’s awful I know. And although our marriage ended due to some very bad decisions on his part, I can’t sit here and cast all the blame on him and not accept my role in the ending of our marriage. Think about it -what does it communicate to your partner when you tell them what to do and how to do it and when they attempt to help you redo or complain about their help? That you’re ungrateful. That’s what it says. Who would want to help someone who won’t take freely the help and support given no matter how it’s done. It may not be exactly how you’d do it but it’s done. And any mom with tired, cranky toddlers who work a full time job or stays at home can surely use less off of their list of things to do.

We also have to remember that our significant others will do or will not do what we do or don’t put expectations on. If you come into a relationship and you do EVERYTHING then they’ll get used to that and let you do everything. I cooked, cleaned, took care of kids, worked, went to school full time, took care of the home, paid all the bills, got the oil changed in the cars, did all the clothes shopping including his! Need socks,t-shirts, pants, shaving cream, toothpaste, soap, underwear…..I got it. And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to take care of those you love, there has to be a balance.

Relationships are partnerships. That means sometimes one of us is cleaning the kitchen while the other is doing laundry. One of us is bathing the kids while the other cooks. I want my husbands help at home now. Not only that, I need his help. I have found it to be a true blessing to have a help mate. To have someone come home and see I’ve had a long, hard day and tells me to rest while he makes the kids get their baths, eat dinner and get ready for bed.

I know not all women have significant others. I’ve been a single mom so I get the struggle which is why I think I’m better able to appreciate the role my husband plays now. He doesn’t always do things my way (notice I didn’t say the right way- just because it’s the way we prefer something doesn’t make it the right way) but he gets the job done. And guess what I’m a lot less tired, and cranky, and I’m a little chunky because he makes sure I eat.

Women, we are capable. We can do anything. We are strong and powerful and resilient and beautiful beings. But it’s also ok to be vulnerable and weak and to say I don’t want to have to do all of this all of the time. Please take some of it. Please help me with it. It provides balance. And it gives something even more valuable; peace.

So ladies let your significant others or husbands help you. Let them wash the laundry and occasionally shrink a shirt. Let them fold the towels weird. Let them vacuum the floor with zig zag lines or wash the dishes and not wipe the sink down. And while they’re doing that, thank God that you’ve got someone who cares enough to want to!

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