Motherhood! Oh if I could go back and talk to me before I had kids. This is not a post to complain about how hard parenting is or the joys of parenting and how my kids complete me. Most women who are moms have all the same complaints or very similar ones. Most moms love being a mom even with the ups and downs. All moms love their kids and want the best for their kids.
This post is about how I wish moms felt more comfortable talking to other moms about the realness of being a mom. Not the realness as in no time to yourself, how kids constantly mess the house up, or how you spend all of your time carting them around from place to place and catering to the million of things that they have going on in their busy little lives. We all know how much as moms we have to sacrifice for our kids. We all know that having children is time consuming and often it’s thankless. We can relate to one another when we talk about how we were up all night with a sick child or how our toddler just wouldn’t go to sleep. We can understand each other when our teenager is driving us mad because they won’t pick up their room or they are getting smart with us and it’s taking everything in us not to throat punch them!
What I mean by the realness of being a mom is how sometimes you don’t want to be one! There are those rare moms I run into who revel in parenting and just want to spend every waking minute with their child (what is wrong with her and what is she taking?! LOL). But there are us other moms who have moments where we want to quit, run off to a deserted island and just mentally check out. We don’t want to have to think for another person outside of ourselves. We are done with school, school lunches, school programs, extracurricular activities, play dates, birthday parties, homework, reminding kids to do their chores, reminding kids of the same simple hygiene practices they’ve been doing for years (Like why do I have to remind you to put on deodorant or to brush your teeth? Seriously?!).
I remember before I became a mom I had this idea of parenting being fun and cuddles and play time with my baby. I had this image of just always enjoying it. Every person I ran into that saw me when I was pregnant all said the same thing “Oh you’re going to love it! It’s the most special thing in the world. You’re going to love bonding with you baby and they’re so cute when they start crawling.” Which those things are true. I loved the time I got with my kids when they were small and being able to bond with them. I loved watching them meet their milestones and even now with my soon to be one year old, I am once again enjoying those things. But what I wish someone would have said is “Being a mom is hard. There are days where you will not want to do any of it. You’ll do it anyway because the love for your child pushes you to do so, but you will not always love being a mom.” I think sometimes as women we feel like if we truly share our deepest, darkest feelings that other moms will look down on us or think we are not a good parent. But if we are all honest, I’m pretty sure almost every mom has had moments where they felt this way.
If we spent more time being real about how we feel with other moms instead of comparing ourselves to other moms and how great we think so in so is doing it would go a long way towards encouraging each other instead of condemning each other. In reality you are the mom for your child that God knew your child needed. If your child needed a different mom then God wouldn’t have given that child to you. He knew the make up of your child and He knew you had what your child needed in life inside of you because He knows your make up as well. There is no perfect mom. There’s just a perfect mom for each child you’re blessed with. We have to stop being afraid of how people will think of us when we have those moments where we want to quit parenting and just be a woman. Not a mom with 8 arms trying to do 20 things but just a woman trying to navigate life.
My two oldest kids go away for the summer with their dad every year and around the month of May I am done! I am over it and I can’t wait to get them packed up and on their way so I just don’t have to think about them and every individual need they have. I used to feel guilty about that, but I don’t anymore. It’s ok to sometimes feel like you’ve had enough and that you just need some time to recoup. It’s ok to not want to be a mom….it doesn’t take away from the fact that you are an awesome one and that above all else, you value your kids happiness. We know this to be true otherwise why would we wear ourselves out day in and day out doing everything to ensure they are well rounded, respectable, happy human beings?
So don’t feel bad. Embrace those moments and then continue moving forward, killing the mom game like the beast that you are!