I’m a justifier, ok? I feel like I have to explain most of my thoughts or decisions. Even as a grown woman when I do things I feel the need to, at times, justify or explain my actions. Let me explain…LOL! If I decide to do something at work and it doesn’t make sense to those around me, I feel at some point that I need to justify my decision. My decision could be perfectly reasonable and may make perfect sense to me. But when it doesn’t make sense to other people I tend to wonder if I made the right decision. Or in parenting, I tend to feel the need to explain to people why I made certain decisions or why I respond to my kids in a specific manner. In friendships I often remain in friendships that I should move on from because they aren’t healthy or make me feel like I’m constantly doing something wrong, but I am a loyal person so I stick it out. Then I try to justify to my husband or who ever else why I am still friends with this person. I know, I know it’s silly but I know I am not the only one.
I am getting better about it and learning that it is not necessary to explain any of my decisions or actions really. It’s still a process that I am going through but bit by bit I am learning to just let go and move on. I think the reason why I feel this way is because of my own insecurities about who I am as a person. I don’t want people to think I’m not smart or that I’m selfish or unreasonable or,worst of all, unlovable. What I am learning, though, is that none of that really matters. What matters is what I tell myself day in and day out. Sometimes second by second. While it is great to have people around you confirm that you are great and that they love you, you really have to learn to love yourself. When you learn to love yourself you become more confident in the decisions that you make. When you love yourself you feel less obligated to explain yourself to others for their approval or justification. I mean who are they to judge you anyway?!
Whether people around you think your decisions are smart or not is not a reflection of you and really isn’t your concern. Of course we want people in our lives to be honest with us when they see us heading down the wrong road or if our lives are out of control. But really if I decide that instead of being productive and cleaning the house to do nothing, I don’t have to justify that. If I let my kids walk around in miss matched clothes, I don’t have to explain that. If they don’t like the way my kids clothes look tell them to close their eyes! LOL. Whether people question your actions or sanity, for that matter, really is of no concern to you because they are not walking in your shoes. They are not dealing with whatever it is that you are dealing with. And even if they do understand your experiences they may have handled things in a different manner because they…aren’t…you. Everyone handles situations in different ways because we all have free will and different perspectives. God made us different for a reason. We aren’t meant to all be alike and we definitely aren’t meant to be walking around stressed out about what someone else thinks of us.
Let people think whatever they want. Let them draw whatever conclusions they want. Stand firm in your decisions and your rationale. Be confident in what God has told you about your life, your kids, your home, your job, your decisions. They don’t know how you have prayed for that answer and now you are acting in obedience. They don’t understand how you’ve stressed over something and finally God has lifted that burden or He has given you peace and now you just aren’t worried or stressed anymore. Stop feeling like you have to tell people why you did what you did. Just live your truth, trust God and watch Him do amazing things in your life. I’m encouraging myself even as I write this. He wants us to live free and in that freedom we can move forward to be who He’s destined for us to be. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we may not have it all together but neither does everyone else…so why are we worried about their thoughts in the first place?
Our goal should be to please God, not people. The sooner we grasp that concept the easier life would be.
The next time you feel the need or the urge to pull out that explanation just delete like you’re typing on a key board and replace it with “I don’t have to explain.”